So when I said I would start blogging again I fully expected to be doing so every week! well life gets busy and unfortunately it just hasn't worked out like that. But I'm hoping to be better this semester!
Most of you will laugh at this but my 'New year's resolution' this year was to sort my life out. No joke. I thought of the amount of things I wanted to improve in and decided that basically I just need to sort myself out. There were all the normal ones like eating healthier, doing more exercise, working harder, reading my bible more, wrote more blogs, be generally nicer to people...you know the drill. It's funny because I made this decision after looking back at the last 6 months of 2012 and thinking about what I did and didn't do and what I needed to improve on. and while yes all of these things are good things to improve on, I was forgetting about the biggest lesson I have been taught since coming to university.
Though I'm pretty lazy, I have always been very focussed on what I can do. What I can do to make things better. Whether that is improving on a skill, growing deeper in a friendship, cheering someone up, fixing problems (even when they are not my own), 'bettering myself', and even trying to make my relationship with God better. While there isn't necessarily anything wrong with these things, they can become dangerous. I can become obsessive and controlling and something that started out as a good thing can change very quickly. I'm not very good at just letting things happen. God made me very aware of this last year and is continuing to do so.
I could so easily talk to you about each of the aspects I mentioned and how God has been teaching me about them but I don't want to make this post too long so I will just focus on the last one.
Trying to improve my own relationship with Christ by doing things. it doesn't work and it doesn't need to be done. I so often think 'if only I read more, served more, prayed more, got involved in this or that, met up with this person...then my spiritual life would be so much better!' and while yes, all of these things are important, God reminded me that he wouldn't love me any less if I didn't do these, and sometimes I just need to test in Him and let him do the work. So often I feel like I'm clinging on . to Him by the tips of my fingernails and that I'm so close to slipping away. after coming back from Thailand I felt like I had grown sip much and I just wanted to hold on to that and thought the way to do so was by acts. Bit God graciously reminded me that He is holding me in His hands and I can let go. He is not leaving me and I am safe in His arms. He has already done everything that needs to be done and I just need to live my life thanking Him. Starting there rather than at what I can do definitely helps.
So while my New year's resolution is to ' sort my life out' I want to do so by reading in Him and allowing Him to change me inside out into the person He wants me to be, all the while reading in the fact that I am His child.
No comments:
Post a Comment