Lately, I have been missing Thailand a lot. Missing my beautiful children's faces, missing the sweetness of the people, cuddles and laughter, wiping away tears, hearing Thai - and of course the sunshine and heat! But really, I've missed feeling like I'm doing what I was made for. I miss feeling as if I am fulfilling my purpose despite the difficulties.Yet, despite how much I miss it, I know that Aberdeen is where I'm supposed to be. This is where God has placed me, but I can't help but feel frustrated at times. I sit in lecture halls and learn about poverty, child mortality and human trafficking. I learn statistics and stories and about how big the need is. And I want to go! But I'm still sitting. And then I go to church and read books and hear all about those who have not yet heard about Jesus. And I want to go! But I'm still sitting. And I feel so stuck. And I feel so lukewarm.
But He continues to whisper to me. He tells me to stop looking inwardly and instead to look upwardly. He tells me to lay my burdens on Him, and He will give me rest. He tells me that His plans are better than my own, and His thoughts better than mine. His heart is breaking for His people and He has not forgotten them. And His heart is broken for His people all over the world, including Aberdeen. He reminds me of the power of prayer and challenges me to earnestly pray for His world. That it isn't about where I am or how I feel but that I am loving Him with all my heart and seeking to serve Him where I can, bringing glory to His name - not my own.
My heart is torn between here, and Thailand, and the hundreds of other places and people that need reached. And I am so thankful that He is breaking my heart more and more. Because I know that when we give our hearts to Him, it is completely up to Him what He does with them. And my heart could not be in safer hands.
I still miss my sweet kids though.
