I've moved!

Yet again - I have moved!

Please find all my stuff at http://lcowpland.wordpress.com from now on.

Thank you!

x

David Eunson.

I've wanted to write about my Papa for a while now, but have never felt I could write enough. There is nothing I can write that will fully describe the wonderful man that was David Eunson. A friend was talking to me recently and said that it is not the details of a person that bring us to know someone, but the person themselves that we grow to know and love. And so, I won't give you a detailed description of what he was like, but hope that you might catch a glimpse of who he was through what I am saying. But most importantly, I pray that you catch a glimpse of the God he lived for, because at the end of the day, that's all that really matters and all he would have wanted. 

When my Papa died, naturally it was heartbreaking. But, I had an inexplicable peace that I can't quite find the words to describe. The day I found out was the same day as the first snow of the year, and so I decided to take a walk down to the beach. As I was walking along the shore I wasn't really thinking of very much, when I suddenly got an image of my Papa dancing in heaven. Now, for those of you who don't know him - he was not a dancer. As a young girl, I famously asked my Granny who that 'strange little man' was that she danced with all the time, because it was not my Papa! He was many things, but a dancer he was not. But on that snowy day, I pictured him dancing with joy. He was home. His old, failing body returning to his Maker as a child. Forgetting the things of this world, and gazing at his Father. My whole being was filled with the peace of knowing that he had made it. He had run the race and was embraced at the finish line. All else fades. 

It doesn't mean that it wasn't hard. Nor that I don't miss him. I loved him - he was an incredible man. About as eccentric as they come and unbelievably stubborn, but an incredible man. He wasn't perfect but still made it. It's the beauty of the gospel - God's grace. My Papa knew and loved Jesus, and he knew that he was going to be with him. He was passionate about a great many other things, and loved my Granny and his family more than I think I'll ever know, but nothing compared with knowing Christ. 

For most of my life, my Papa was not the most emotional of men. In fact, I don't think I ever saw him cry. But towards the end of his life, he softened and let us all in that little bit further. I was touched at his heart. I always knew that he had a good one, but in those last few times I saw him, I saw a humble man. A man who looked back on his years and recognized the grace of God in his life and in the life of those surrounding him. I did not see a man who boasted in his achievements, or reveled in regret - but a man who knew what his purpose was. A saw a man who was still allowing God to change his heart right until the very end.

David Eunson will probably not be remembered on this earth for hundreds of years, though he was a great man. But he will be with his Maker for eternity. He will be with the One in whose presence there is fullness of joy. I praise God for my Papa, but praise Him all the more for His grace. 

Take a moment.

Slow down. Breathe in. Look up.

I haven't written in a good wee while. Partly because of lack of inspiration, but also because life has recently become a bit of a check list.
To do lists and diaries have become two of my favourite things in getting me through life - so useful and efficient! It means you get everything you want done and manage to fit everyone you want to see into that - dream! Even if it means spending the whole day going from one coffee date to the next. And while it's efficient, and there's no way I am going to stop making to do lists or planning my days, it slowly but surely tends to drain you of all spontaneity and enjoyment (not that I don't enjoy spending my days drinking coffee...but I hope you get the point). Basically, I've forgotten to stop. I've become so busy doing life that I don't have the time or freedom to just go for a walk, or read a book, or write!
So this post isn't anything deep or meaningful - it's not some crazy insightful lesson I've learnt, or something incredibly personal, I'm just writing for the joy of writing, and because today is one of those days where I just get to stop.
I get to breathe (though not very well considering the end of term cold has decided to make an appearance), and I get to look up. I get to be content in knowing that my joy does not have to come from anything else other than God's goodness. With everything going on around me, it's so freeing to be able to stop and remember His love, and smile about it. It's peaceful. In a moment where the world is rushing by, I can stand assured. I can stop, breathe in and look up.

My flatmates wanted a mention in this post, so I thought I would share potentially the worst attempt at an Abbey Road photo ever taken. We couldn't even request another one because the American tourists were so proud of their attempt.

P.s They are really wonderful people and do constantly remind me to enjoy life. 

Those new mercies.

'It is because of the Lord's mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is Your faithfulness.'

I've been thinking about new mercies a lot recently. Mostly in sleepy thoughts each night after a pang of guilt sets in for the failings of the day. 'Tomorrow will be better. I will accomplish all that I didn't today. And thanks Jesus that your mercies are new every morning. Help me to be better tomorrow.' That's pretty much all I manage before rolling over and conking out. 

Then the next morning arrives, and more often that not I've hit snooze a few too many times and rush out the door in a mad panic. Either that or I don't get out of bed until just before midday, because sleeping till noon would be lazy. The day goes on and I climb into bed realising that I have made no progress on the day before. I didn't type up the lecture notes I was supposed to, nor do the recommended reading. One day I will read of the further readings options and be so ahead of the game! I didn't go for that run...or complete day 2 of "30 day shred" that I started in January. That healthy eating plan stopped as breakfast started, and replaying conversations from the day over in my head brings with it the realisation that I probably didn't say the right thing, and that "witty", sarcastic comment wasn't actually very funny, and didn't accomplish anything other than putting someone down. Oh, and of course...that Bible in a year plan isn't going so well and the only time I really prayed was when I was convinced I was going to get mugged on the way home. But tomorrow I will be better. Help me to be better Jesus. 

It is crazy, but so true, that I can go a whole day "living for Christ" on my own. You see, if I'm honest with you, and myself, most of the time I live for me. I can say and do all the right things and people won't necessarily notice, but eventually it catches up with you. Whatever comes out of the mouth comes from the heart. Do my words reflect Christ, or myself?

More than this truth though, the truth that most days I pick sin over righteousness, I pick the easy path, I pick me is His truth. His promise that He will never leave me, and that He will continue the good work He started in me. His promise that His grace is enough. That is the truth I choose to cling to, despite my efforts and my failings.
You see, what I am learning is that it all starts with Christ. Not in Christ helping me with my failed attempts, but allowing Him to change my heart. Doing all that I do because of the love He has for me. I am completely covered by His grace. 

I want to love Him, I want to seek Him with all my heart. But let's face it, it is hard. Impossible if we do it on our own. But His mercies are new every morning (or even after noon for those of us whose beds become clouds of comfort in the morning). 

Missing the Thai sunrises.

Picture this with me.

You are in the middle of the ocean, no site of land. It's a fairly still day, but of course there's still a current. You have been swimming for days and days and days, against that current. You're tired. You're fed up. You simply want to float, just for a little while. You don't want to change direction or course, you still want to get to where you're going...but you just need a rest.

If I'm being honest, which I'm trying to be, this is pretty much how I felt at the start of the summer. I was tired, mostly of God. It felt like hard work, like I was constantly swimming against that slow but steady tide. I just wanted to float, even for a little while. 

So I did. It wasn't a major crisis of faith, it wasn't me giving up, it wasn't me turning away. I guess it was a loss of focus. You see, I was out there in the ocean and I couldn't see anything. My eyes were fixed on this overwhelmingly vast sea, and nothing else. Of course I wanted to float, I mean there's nothing hopeful about a big blue mass of water if that's all it is. 

It's my lesson learnt time and time again, and one that I don't think I will ever stop learning. If I don't start with Christ, then where am I going? I was tired, and so I guess I put God on "pause". Mostly, I just didn't speak to him. Some may say we were on "a break". But we weren't - as often as I think He would like to, God doesn't put us on breaks. He doesn't give up on us. I knew that I was going to have to face Him properly at some point, and if I'm honest I was scared. I thought I was going to be scolded. You see that's the problem when you don't speak to someone for a while, you tend to forget what they're really like. I was not scolded. God met me where I was, with love and compassion. Arms wide ready for the embrace. The law was not there, yet grace in it's place. 

Truth is, I don't really have to be swimming against the tide anyway. Jesus pulls me out of that, and walks with me. When Peter's eyes were fixed on Christ, he was walking on water too. 

I so often think that my mind and heart will somehow be focused on Jesus as soon as I wake up in the morning. That it's not something I have to do consciously. That my heart will be warm to the gospel all the time. It's not. My sinful heart is cold to the gospel. I have to consciously pick Jesus. Yes, He is changing my heart to seek Him more and he is refining me to be more like Him - but it doesn't mean it comes naturally. Thankfully, I don't have to do that on my own either. 

And I will call upon your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Words.

I love words. I love the way that they can be used to express almost anything I am feeling or thinking. I love the way that you can get so easily lost in them and I love the way they tell stories and bring things to life. Most of all though, I love how welcoming they can be. I love the way I can use them to welcome people into my head and my heart and my life. 

This blog was supposed to be a way of doing that, but unfortunately, I don't think it has been. I write from the heart, and I write about things that God has been teaching me and the way that He is slowly changing me. Or at least that's what I try to write about most of the time. But if I'm honest, I have been petrified of sharing this with everyone. In fact, I shudder at the idea that someone will read what I've written and think that either a) I'm straight up crazy for talking about having a relationship with Jesus or b) I'm a hypocrite. I like to think that I don't care about what people think of me, but I think deep down we all do. Even in the simple things - for example I often dread going to the hairdressers because I know that she's going to ask me questions about my life and somewhere along the line I'm going to have to tell her I'm a Christian and that scares me because most of the time I really don't know what to say after that. I'd much rather talk about the weather. How ridiculous is that? I'd rather talk about the weather than the the fact that Jesus Christ loved me enough to lay down his life for me so that I could spend eternity with the Lord of the whole universe! I mean I know we all love a bit of sunshine, but really! 

Recently I have been reminded of the goodness and greatness of God! So often I 'rebrand' Him into something that He is not, and someone that I wouldn't want to share with people. But when I look to Him, I cannot keep His good news to myself. He is so much more than words can express, but I hope to be able to share more of Him as he teaches me. 

Maybe I am straight up crazy, but so is His love and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. And most of the time I don't get it right. I am being taught lessons over and over and over - but I thank God for His grace and His patience. 

"For I am not ashamed of this Good News about Christ. It is the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes."

Thankful for simple truths.

One of my favourite things to do, and something I should really do more often, is keep a list of things I am thankful for every day in my journal. I just number them throughout the year and it's such a simple but great way of 'counting my blessings' and of reminding myself of how good God is and how much He cares for us in our daily lives. It seems ridiculous to have to remind yourself of how good God is but it's something I so often forget in my thinking. I must confess that one of my least favourite songs to sing in church is 'God is good all the time'. I'm not quite sure what it is about the song that just makes me cringe, but I'm really not a fan. However the simple words of the song do ring true, God is good all the time.
One of the best parts about it though is looking over past journals and seeing the ways that God has always been there and the way He has answered prayers. He walks with us every step of the way. Again, it's such a simple truth but one we cannot help but marvel at. We never have to do it on our own, in fact we shouldn't.
I'm always one for reflecting on time apparently and a couple of days ago marked the 'anniversary' of me leaving Thailand. I genuinely cannot believe it's been a whole year since I left, and it's not been the easiest year, but no year is. In typical Lucy fashion I kind of thought this year would be a breeze spiritually. Obviously the whole making friends business, settling into university and getting used to studying again would prove tricky but I kind of just thought that I would keep growing in my faith without really having to do anything. I grew so much while I was away and I knew God wasn't done, but I guess in some ways I thought  I was over the 'hill' if that makes sense? I laugh now when I look back, and I don't think I ever realised this was how I was thinking, but I pretty much thought I was doing great. Rookie mistake. But in all of God's goodness and His grace, He walked with me and brought me back down on my knees. It's such a beautiful image when we think of bowing before our Lord, but the way down isn't always so appealing and it often takes a few blows to the ego before we realise where we need to be. I'm still being brought to my knees day after day, and most of the time I come reluctantly - but how incredible that God doesn't give up on us! He desires for us to come to Him but He meets us where we are.
In His faithfulness God has continued to teach me and grow me this year, but it has been in the simple truths that I have learnt the most. He is good, He is faithful, He is constant and He is just. I can rest in His promises because I am a loved child of God, righteous in His sight because of Jesus. These are words we hear all the time yet so often we don't let them truly sink in and rest in our hearts. But as I said, God doesn't give up on us and I don't think He will ever tire of teaching us more of His great love and showing us more of Him.

I'm also thankful for the fact that when I typed in thankful into pinterest, this is what came up. People are fun!